I've been having some seriously whacked dreams lately. Frequent, vivid, colourful and seriously strange. One involved a hose gushing rainbows instead of water. However last night's dream scared the life back into me.

In this dream, I was lining up for the surf race at Mona Vale Beach as I had hundreds of times before, waiting for my handicap start to come up. The surf was up but not unreasonable, yet when my handicap time to start came up, I refused to go.

I'll emphasise that: I REFUSED TO GO. In the dream I didn't feel I could make it out and back. It may not sound like much but being in a place where I lacked the confidence to swim out and back is unfathomable.

I woke up completely gutted and shell shocked. The feeling it left was so real.

I hit the pool tonight and swam a K for the first time in 12 months.

Message received :-)